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Mar-a-lago Security Grants Pool Access to El Chapo

Palm Beach, Florida -

“He said he was going to the pool and flashed five different passports at us, so we figured he must be good” one security guard said. “He didn’t have a bathing suit, just a bunch of laptops, cellphones and secret cameras, so there was no way for us to know his intentions.”

This incident follows a series of other security incidents on the property during the Trump presidency including air strikes the president ordered while surrounded by guests during dinner who shouted out suggestions on Syrian targets. “Hit an airfield! Hit the bad guys! Just hit the button!”

El Chapo was able to settle the incident with the administration for a fine of $12,000,000 and will be released to the pool area where he will skinny dip in luxury.

El Chapo isn’t wearing a bathing suit.


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