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Leaked Script: Conor McGregor Plays Irish Mobster in Roadhouse Reboot

Updated: Oct 5, 2022

MMA Star turned actor could be the “new Rock”

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Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson may be the standard Conor McGregor models as he turns his mega fame into something less bone-shattering. Set to star in the new Roadhouse film for theaters, McGregor takes on the role of an Irish gangster set on imposing his will through intimidation and ultimately confrontation.

The tension the antagonist brings to the work is dark and menacing, and he leaves no doubt his power is great and his reach is long. But at every turn, nothing can touch him. Like a ghost, he’s out of the way before his enemies can lay a finger.

The story progresses with McGregor baiting his prey after stalking for months, drawing his enemies in close as they reach for the kill, never suspecting the imminent trap.

The character is feared. In the story, no man looks him in the eye, lest he be interpreted a challenge to be ended. To come after him is to learn his counterpunch, allowing the attack to add their forward momentum a multiplier of power to his perfectly timed punch he simultaneously ends their hopes and all threat, as he enjoys seeing their faces change from confident to concerned.

Brilliantly written villain. But what’s even better are his lines! Unlike the real Conor McGregor, his character in Roadhouse knows he is untouchable, above the law, and has an Army of goons that would beat up old men in bars for him, so he is actually pretty chill, not worried about how others see him. He doesn’t drive flashy cars and wear gold because he grows his assets with interest through investment, and his Roadhouse character has the insight that buying expensive shit is a liability for a flashy, insecure has-been, and his money is better off building his network of mobsters who each get a cut of everything they collect.

40% actually, so everyone has an incentive to work hard because rising tide will raise all ships 🚢 kinda like how the UFC should pay their fighters, not just Conor McGregor. They should all make points.

I’m looking at you, Dana White. The hallmark of a good deal is that it benefits both parties. Points for fighters means they would have an incentive to hype the card. Put incentives in place and people start reacting. Shit gets wild, you all get paid, win/win.

Just don’t get too wild. You’re welcome.

Disclaimer: this whole article is satire for the sole purpose of trying to convince Dana White to pay UFC fighters points, totaling 40% of the PPV buys distributed to all main card fighters based on their popularity with the company, and those metrics be shared with the fighters.

Written by Jonathan Jarman

Satire for a cause

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