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How I’m Winning at Military: by Donald Trump

Updated: Apr 27, 2019



Oval Office -


Americans can see very clearly that I am winning at military.  The generals love me.  The troops love me.  I went to one of the wars we’re in when I visited the troops in Iraq.  They were fighting hard and I was just there for support.  One Marine needed a grenade so he could breach a home in search of an escaping ISIS operative, so I handed him one of mine.  A lot of people say I’m a hero.  I am.  


My father was born in Germany, beautiful part of the countryside tucked between the hills in a land called New York, and he was also a great military hero like me. Yuge fan.  


I defeated ISIS on day one, that was tremendous.  Now Archer can go back to using it as the name of their spy agency instead of dreaming up another half baked twist to Sterling’s coma.


I win at military so much, veterans give me their medals.  One guy gave me a Purple Heart.  He was just like, “here, I know you went through a lot back home dealing with bone spurs”, and I’m like, “yes, this guy gets me.”

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