For Mother’s Day, Trump Thanks All Non-Mothers Who Swallowed


Donald Trump gave a warm “Happy Mother’s Day” to all of his childrens’ mothers, and a very special “thank you” to all the dozens of porn stars, models, hookers, and rando strange he has encountered in his life that could very well have become even more mothers of his children had they not swallowed instead, totaling by some counts to be in the dozens.  Trump has long been known as a self-proclaimed womanizer with no loyalty or empathy for others, but this Mother’s Day, he seems to have a sincere gratitude for all those would-be mothers who weren’t.  

“It was hard enough to be inaugurated with three mothers of my children, but honestly, it could have been much more.  When I was home during Vietnam because of my very painful and debilitating bone spurs, I slept with countless women, somehow avoiding any diseases, and that was my own personal Vietnam.”


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